


Just Like Always

by greendalecoolcat



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 18:43:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11973378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greendalecoolcat/pseuds/greendalecoolcat
Summary: It wasn’t just a debate kiss, or school dance make out. It wasn’t small spaces under blanket forts and it wasn’t smiles from across the room. It was sex and the most intimate moment of her life because it was with the man she loved.





	1. Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> I'm currently working on a multi-chapter fic but I got a case of writer's block! So I took a break from that and wrote this because I was feeling extra angsty. Not really sure what this is, but I guess it's a Post-S5 AU two-shot fic? I apologize if it's kind of ramble-y but I tried to write it as J/A were thinking. Hope you like it!

She was crying. No, she wasn’t crying…she was full on sobbing. Hunched over, shoulders shaking. Gasping in breath, trying to let air back into her lungs after crying it all out.

He watched her from the door of his bathroom, where he went just moments ago, leaving her to sleep. But now she was on the edge of the bed, facing the far wall. Her back was bare as she clutched the sheets to her chest with her right hand and crying into her left. She was trying to be quiet, trying to keep herself together, but it was no use. The sobs chased through her and every intake of breath seemed to get louder, echoing around the walls of his bedroom.

He stood there, just watching her for a moment, unsure of what to do. He was still naked, except for the underwear he threw on when he got up from the bed. He had no idea why she was crying, she was fine when he excused himself to the bathroom. She was still hazy from sleep, but sent him a smile, nodding into the mattress. She was fine last night, well, he thought she was.

Maybe he did know why she was crying.

They had sex. It was unexpected and spur of the moment, and completely reckless. One moment they were cleaning up from the party—a few days after they saved Greendale, Jeff threw a celebration at his apartment—and the next moment they were ripping each other’s clothes off. It was inevitable, he thought, after everything they’d been through. It was only a matter of time that the dam broke and all of the sexual tension and feelings were released. Of course, he had known there were honest and true feelings there. Enough to power through a computer for god’s sake. And maybe that was why he let it happen, when that door opened, when he looked at Annie and that _damn_ door opened. He knew he was in love with her. He _knew_.

So he let it happen, and maybe he wasn’t thinking all that much, but she looked at him, all soft and imploring. They were in his kitchen and she asked him where he kept his recycling and they were standing so close, he could feel her warmth next to him. He was about to answer but his words caught in his throat and they were alone and he _loved_ her.

He took the empty beer bottles from her hands slowly and placed them on the counter, she was about to ask him what the hell he was doing but she lost her words too, gasping quietly as he stepped into her space, pushing her hair gently over her shoulder. And then his hand was cradling her jaw and kissing her as slowly and deeply as he ever had. It wasn’t long before her initial shock disappeared and she was kissing him back, reaching on her toes and wrapping her arms around his neck. Then it was all hands and grabbing and quick breaths.

And that was how they ended up in his bed. It was fast-paced, full of need, and tender all at once. They drifted to sleep exhausted, not saying much but stayed wrapped around each other nonetheless.

But now she was crying. Sobbing.

Maybe it was too much for her, he thought. Maybe she moved on from him that night. Maybe she was done with all of his crap but he kissed her and then she fell into bed with him. God, he would never stop hurting her, would he?

But he tentatively walked back into the bedroom, unsure if she wanted him to see her in such a state. But he couldn’t just let her cry in his goddamn bed. There was something wrong and it was his fault and he needed to fix it if he wanted their friendship to make it through whatever the hell mess he created.

He swallowed back the remaining hesitation he had and walked over to her, kneeling in front of her on the hardwood. Her eyes were closed tight, still crying into her hand, so she didn’t notice his presence. He gently placed his hand over her knee, and squeezed.

“Jeff!” She gasped, startled that he was now there in front of her, rather than the bathroom where he said he was going. He was obviously going to see her anyway, so he wasn’t sure what she was expecting. Maybe she didn’t plan on crying for so long, maybe she thought it would pass. Maybe she thought he would ignore her.

“Annie, what’s going on?” He asked softly, looking at her with concern.

She closed her eyes and let out another sob, attempting to pull herself together. She shook her head, like she was clearing her mind of unwanted thoughts. After another intake of breath, she looked at him, her eyes red and overflowing with tears. “Jeff,” she said quietly, almost in a whisper. “We slept together.”

He laughed lightly, trying to lighten the mood, “I know, I was there.” He squeezed her knee.

“No,” she shook her head. “No, this is all wrong. We shouldn’t have done that. We—we ruined everything! So much! I just can’t believe we were so careless…that _I_ was so careless.”

“Annie, I don’t—What do you mean, what did we ruin?” He thought he maybe knew the answer, but he asked anyway. She didn’t answer though, because she was too busy crying again. “I’m sorry,” was all he said, running his hand comfortingly along her calf.

“You don’t love me, Jeff.” She managed to get out. He swallowed thickly. “You don’t love me and we just ruined everything between us, and I was supposed to let you go, and Britta! I can’t believe I did this to Britta!”

He was still stuck on the fact that she said he didn’t love her, but he managed to hear her mention Britta which was crazy, because Annie knew they broke off the engagement. She knew and they were fine, completely and totally fine. But maybe Annie didn’t see it that way, and she was still angry and hurt and thought that he loved _Britta_.

“Annie, I _do_ love you.” He said, looking in her eyes pleadingly.

“Not in the way you should,” she said loudly. It felt like a punch to his chest. “Not in the way that would make what we did acceptable,” the last part was much quieter, almost a whisper.

He was quiet, letting her words sink in. He looked at the floor, still kneeling in front of her, trying to think of the right words to say. To let her know that he did love her, in every way he possibly could. He knew he messed up. He did a lot of things wrong in his life, in their friendship, relationship, whatever the hell it was. And maybe she wouldn’t ever forgive him, but he needed her to _know_.

“Annie,” he said softly, finally looking at her. He took her hands in his and practically pleaded with her. “I do love you. I’m _in_ love with you. And I’ve done a shitty job of going about and for that I am truly sorry.” He squeezed her hands.

She looked at him, sadly, the furrow in her brow never leaving her face. “I don’t…” she exhaled. “I don’t know if I believe you.”

And it was in that moment that he felt his eyes getting hot, like they would betray him any moment. He fucked up.

“Do you know how much it hurt me?” She asked. “To find out you were marrying Britta?”

He gulped, and ran a hand over his face. “That was stupid. We were being stupid. I don’t love Britta.”

“I thought we were finally on the same page. I thought…” she shook her head.

“Annie, look. I’m sorry I keep hurting you. You don’t deserve it. That’s why I always distanced myself from you. I wanted to stop hurting you.” He looked at their hands that were still joined together. “But I guess it’s inevitable.”

“But last night…”

“I couldn’t pretend anymore. It was too much.”

“Jeff…”

“I feel so much for you. Everything about you, everything you do.” The words were tumbling out of him. He needed her to believe him. “The way you try to hide your smile when you’re annoyed with me. The look you get when you’re furiously writing notes. The fact that you were brave enough to say what you said down in that basement.” He took a breath. “Everything, Annie. I love all of you.”

“I just…I need to be by myself right now,” she pulled out of his grasp and slid off the bed. She picked up her wrinkled dress from the floor and headed towards the bathroom.

“I should have told you,” he called after her. “Annie!”

She closed and locked the door.

“Shit shit shit shit shit,” he pressed his forehead against the mattress.


	2. Not Enough

When she looked at herself in the mirror of his bathroom, she saw her red eyes and tear streaked face. Her makeup was smudged from last night. She could see little read marks on her neck from when Jeff laid her down against the sheets and nibbled at her skin. She closed her eyes and braced herself against the sink.

It was too much. All too much. They slept together. They finally slept together, after all those years of longing and sexual tension, they gave in and had sex. But it was under the worst circumstances. He was just engaged for crying out loud! To one of her best friends! How could she do that to Britta? Annie felt the knot in her stomach tighten.

She finally stopped crying, but now she was left with the gnawing feeling in her chest because they slept together and they shouldn’t have and he loved her and she knew that after all of the crap he put her through, she still loved him too. She wanted last night to happen, so badly. For years, she longed for him because she knew there was something there between them. Something he was always afraid to admit. And when he was going to marry Britta she finally made the decision to let it go. Let him go. If that was what he wanted, then she just wanted him to be happy. She could learn to live with it if it meant he was happy.

And then when they called it off, she told herself to feel neutral about it because _she let him go_ but she couldn’t deny the fact that deep down inside, she was relieved. And maybe that was why it was so easy to fall into bed with him. She knew from the start that the engagement was meaningless and empty. She knew that what he felt for Britta was nothing in comparison to everything she felt for him. So it was easy to sleep with him because it felt right and it was what she always wanted and she _knew_ there was still something there.

And last night when he hovered over her and pressed her into those sheets and kissed her skin she felt like she found a piece of her that had been missing. And when she came down from the moment and he wrapped his body around her and they fell asleep it felt _right_. And when she woke up to him kissing her shoulder and slipping out of bed that morning, she knew it was something she could get used to.

But then she looked at the empty space next to her and felt the warmth leave the bed, it had finally hit her. It felt wrong. It felt like she took something that wasn’t hers. Something that was supposed to be Britta’s only a few days ago. Something she wasn’t allowed to have because he didn’t love her in the way she loved him.

And it hit her in the worst way because not only did she betray Britta, but she ruined her friendship with Jeff because she knew they could never come back from that. It wasn’t just a debate kiss, or school dance make out. It wasn’t small spaces under blanket forts and it wasn’t smiles from across the room. It was sex and the most intimate moment of her life because it was with the man she loved.

So she cried. She sobbed. And accepted the fact that she, that _they,_ ruined one the most important relationships in her life. He didn’t love her and she wouldn’t put herself through that again. She didn’t deserve it.

But then he found her and maybe she didn’t care that she was crying in the middle of his bedroom because everything changed forever and there was nothing she could do about it. What was done was done and they both had to accept the shift and this thing that would always be between them. This thing that shouldn’t have happened. So she cried and he tried to understand but it didn’t matter so she just kept crying.

But then he told her that he loved her. That he was in love with her. And it was too much. She couldn’t imagine a world where after all this time, after an _engagement_ to someone else, that he loved her back. It was crazy and stupid and impossible, and there was no way he was telling the truth. She was sure he loved her, but in the same way he loved Abed and Shirley and Troy.

But then she remembered his face. His eyes. He was almost in tears himself, trying to get her to listen, to believe him. She’d never seen him speak that way before, she’d never seen him plead so desperately.

She put her face in her hands and tried to breathe evenly. As much as she wanted to stay locked up in that bathroom forever, she knew they needed to talk. She looked in the mirror one last time, took a deep breath, and pulled on her wrinkled dress. She opened the door slowly and saw him sitting on the edge of the bed, hair mussed, head in his hands, wearing only his boxer briefs. She felt a pang in her chest, the sight of him so sad, so distressed. Maybe last night affected him just as much too. She swallowed back the tears threatening to break through.

She quietly made her way over. He was startled, only looking up when the mattress sank beside him.

“Annie—” he started, desperately.

“Jeff,” she placed her hands on his arm. “Please. Let’s just talk, okay?” She was speaking quietly, needing to keep her emotions together.

He nodded at her, eyes still desperate, “Yeah. Okay.”

She swallowed. “I think…I think it’s pretty obvious…how I feel about you…that I’m in love with you.” She heard her voice catch. He wrapped his hand around hers. “And I need you to know that I’ve had these feelings for a while but I was willing to let them go if it wasn’t what you wanted.”

He gulped.

“And when you proposed to Britta—”

“Annie,” he breathed.

“—when you proposed to Britta, it was clear that it wasn’t me that you loved. So I moved on because I wanted you to be happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you.” She squeezed his arm. “But now, you’re saying that you’re in love with me and I don’t know how to feel because I’m afraid that you’re mistaking your feelings—”

“Annie, I’m not mistaking my feelings. I’m know that I’m in love with you. I know I am.” This time she let him cut her off, because she wasn’t really sure what else she could say. And she really needed him to explain himself. “I’ve been in love with you longer than you know.” He pushed some stray hair behind her ears. “And I’m so, so sorry that this is how I told you. I’m sorry I made a mess of this, of us.”

She slid one of her hands down his wrist, so they could slide their fingers together. “It wasn’t just you,” she said quietly.

“No, it was. It’s my fault I haven’t been honest with you. It’s my fault that I…that I almost married Britta.” He gulped, because that was the cherry on top of the cake, wasn’t it? She listened as he began speaking after a quiet moment, carefully, so she could hear him, really hear his words. “If I could take it back, I would. It wasn’t fair to you or Britta.”

She could hear him, the distress in his voice, the regret.

“God, I’m a fuck up.”

She looked at him and pulled his face towards hers, so she could press her forehead to his. “You are not a fuck up,” she whispered.

“I have to stop hurting you,” his voice cracked while he was looking at her, vision blurred because they were so close. “I’m sorry about last night. I understand if you want to forget about it.”

“Jeff,” she started, “you’re going to hurt me if we don’t work through this.”

“But I thought—”

“I believe you. That you love me.”

“I do. So much.”

“Well that’s good because I love you and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”

He didn’t smile, he didn’t laugh. There weren’t any tears. Just relief. Relief as he pulled her into an embrace, wrapping his whole body around her until his own face was pressed against her neck. And she held him just as tight, reassuring him that she wasn’t going anywhere. That she forgave him.

And maybe they had a lot to work through and a lot more to talk about, but they would do it together.

Just like always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :) Stay tuned for my next multi-chapter! Coming (hopefully) soon!


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